why didn't you poke me back
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
COCAINE IS GR8
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
