Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize