1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
