I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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