Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
