Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
