i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
