there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
