I think my fart just growled at me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
