girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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