when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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