cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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