Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
