Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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