break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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