He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im holly from the hills drunk
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
