I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize