Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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