not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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