foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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