so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
