my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
