Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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