I accidentally had phone sex last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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