so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
