I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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