Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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