she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
