Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
