She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
