Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize