is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
