New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
