Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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