so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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