whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
