In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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