I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize