Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
