where am i from again
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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