He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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