Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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