I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize