I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize