so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
