drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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