3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
