While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need water and some morals
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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