u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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