I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
