Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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