VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
