one word: firstdatebathroomanal
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
