I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
