Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
