Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
