Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
