my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
