He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
