they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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