Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
