Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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