I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
