Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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