Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
