see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
