They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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