and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
