I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
