White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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