i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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