So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Randomize
