I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
