THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
