I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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