margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
