I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How external is "for external use only"?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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