the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
