Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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